...and St. Peter explains to them that the lives they lived on earth will determine what kind of car they drive for eternity.
He looks to the first man and says "You were a top-notch citizen your entire life. You paid your taxes, showed up for work every day, never cheated on your wife and went to church every Sunday. Well done, sir. Here's the keys to your Rolls Royce."
He looks to the second and says "You were a decent bloke, more or less. Had a bit of a drinking problem, two-timed your wife at the company picnic, but you were there for your kids and you never went to jail. Here's the keys to your used Honda Civic."
He turns to the third man and says "You were a real piece of shit. You screwed over every person you ever met, wasted every day of your life, lied and cheated with every breath and you were a burden on society and a disgrace to your family. Here's the keys to your shitty 1981 Chevy Citation with an overheating tape deck."
The three old men get into their cars and pull out to the first intersection in heaven, and two of them notice the man in the Rolls Royce - his head is down on his steering wheel, and he's crying and moaning and consumed with grief. One man rolls his window down and says "Why are you so upset? You got the best car out of all of us!"
The man in the Rolls Royce says "I just saw my wife go by on roller skates."
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.