Things You Can't Say at Work

Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...


I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.


I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.


I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.


It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.


I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.


I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.


You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.


I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.


I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.


Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.


What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?


Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.


And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?


Do I look like a people person?


This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.


Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.


If I throw a stick, will you leave?


I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.


Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?


How do I set a laser printer to stun?


I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.