THINGS A FATHER WILL NEVER SAY

* Well how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for
directions.
* You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for
non-chaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
* I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude. I like
that in a young person!
* Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!!!
* What do you mean you want to play football? Figure skating not good enough
for you, son?
* Your mother and I are going away for while. You might want to consider
throwing a party.
* Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those
doo-hickie thingies - you know - that makes it run or something. Just have it
towed to the mechanic's and pay whatever they ask.
* No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit
your belly aching and lets get to the mall.
* Whaddaya want to go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to
spend.
* Father's Day? Ah - don't worry about that - it's no big deal.