They say you should work until your bank account looks like a phone number. I checked my balance and realized, if that was true, I could retire!

You hear about...

He didn't know where Togo.

Finding things in...

There were 3 men. An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman. They all had a...

Why should you...

Because heavy metal is harder than rock.

How would JFK...

He'd probably suffocate before forming an opinion.

Ugly Person

A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely...

I went to the...

...Because I star Ted Danson (say it out loud now)

Why is the north...

Because they don't have seals on the south pole Takes a while to get, but...

If the Dukes of...

the show would be named COPS.

How many yankees...

None. They'll just stand in the dark talking about how good the old one was.

According to my...

....that was a tough postcard to read!