The Worst Joke in the World - The Pink Golf Ball Joke.

Even though this is titled "The Worst Joke in the World," you still clicked on the link, and you're still going to read this. I know how this joke works. No matter how much I tell people they're going to HATE me for telling them this joke, they still insist on wanting to hear it. Every. Single. Time.

Why I'm volunteering to get down-voted to Hell, I dunno, but many of those that I tell this joke to eventually run into a situation where they too share this joke (usually at a party to people who are annoying them). To the best of my knowledge, my friend Dave made this up at a party in high school, while totally baked, and told it for 20 minutes. (He was telling it to some annoying pretty cheerleader-types, who were trying to be "cool" and hang out with / get high with the skateboard guys. You know the type. I *think* he made this up on the spot to fuck with him; he didn't give a shit. I was simultaneously awed and thought it was the funniest shit in the entire world when he was done. No, I was not also baked.) Be forewarned, this is a LONG joke, and ya know, the aforementioned hating me at the end:


There once was a man who was the Supreme Emperor of the Universe. He owned literally every THING, and every person was his slave and every planet his playground. There was literally nothing he could ever want or couldn't do that wasn't his to be had or to be done. And this Supreme Emperor had but one son, who he lavished his affection and gifts upon.

And so it came, on the day of his only son's 15th birthday, that he summoned his child to his throne room.

"Son," the Emperor said, "Today is your 15th birthday. For your present, I will give to you anything you wish to have in my universe. Whatever your heart's desire, I have the power to make it so. For what do you wish? 1,000 slave girls to do with as you please? A planet to call your own? Whatever you want is yours but to ask. So my son, what do you wish for on this, your 15th birthday?"

The Emperor sits back on his platinum throne, eagerly awaiting his son's decision, pleased with himself, content with the knowledge that soon he will make his son happy by providing him anything that he desires from his grand empire.

And so, the son thinks long, thinks hard, thinks long some more.... and finally.... comes to a decision.

"Dad?'

"Yes son?

"I have thought about what you have offered. And I have come to a decision."

"Yes son, whatever you wish, whatever you want - name it and it is yours - I will command it!"

"I thank you for your generosity father. For this, my 15th birthday, I would like....

"Yes???"

.... a pink golf ball."

The Emperor can scarcely believe his son's request. Incredulously, he says "Son, I can provide you with all your wildest dreams, anything in this cosmos or the next, all yours but to ask! And all that your heart desires........ is... a pink golf ball?"

Solemnly, the boy answers. "Yes Father, I have thought this through and I am certain: 1 pink golf ball and I shall be content."

The Emperor, perplexed, nevertheless, grants his son's request. "So be it. I shall provide to you.... a pink golf ball."

And so it came, in the following year, on the day of his only son's 16th birthday, that he once again summoned his child to his throne room.

"Son," the Emperor said, "Today is your 16th birthday. For your present, I will give to you anything you wish to have in my universe. Whatever your heart's desire, I have the power to make it so. For what do you wish this year? Do you NOW wish to have 1,000 slave girls to do with as you please? Or NOW a planet to call your own? Whatever you want is yours but to ask. So my son, what do you wish for on this, your 16th birthday?"

The Emperor once again sits back on his platinum throne, eagerly awaiting his son's decision, pleased with himself, content with the knowledge that soon he will make his son happy this year by providing him anything that he desires from his grand empire.

And so, the son thinks long, thinks hard, thinks long some more.... and finally.... comes to a decision.

"Dad?'

"Yes son?

"I have thought about what you have offered. And I have come to a decision."

"Yes son, whatever you wish, whatever you want - name it and it is yours - I will command it!"

"I thank you for your generosity father. For this, my 16th birthday, I would like....

"Yes???"

.... a case of pink golf balls."

The Emperor can, again, scarcely believe his son's request. Incredulously, he says "Son, I can provide you with all your wildest dreams, anything in this cosmos or the next, all yours but to ask! And all that your heart desires........ is... a case of pink golf balls?"

Solemnly, the boy answers. "Yes Father, I have thought this through and I am certain: 1 case of pink golf balls and I shall be content."

The Emperor, perplexed again, nevertheless, grants his son's request. "So be it. I shall provide to you.... a case of pink golf ball."

**Okay, here's where I stop the joke and give you some pointers. You've got to tell this to drunk people. They'll be dying to know why the kid wants the pink golf balls, and will want you to continue. You can stretch out the same setup for each birthday for as long as you can get away with, with each year the son's requests just being more and more outlandish pink-golf ball related things:

A Truck full of pink golf balls
A Warehouse of pink golf balls
A Factory that make nothing but pink golf balls
Finally, a PLANET that is nothing but one giant factory that does nothing but make pink golf balls**

And so, on the occasion of the son's ____ birthday (*however long you've successfully stretched this out), the Supreme Emperor decided to visit his son on the pink-golf-ball-factory-planet he had given him.

On the way to the his son's office, the Emperor's convoy is struck by a speeding pink-golf-ball-carrying truck. The Emperor is stunned to learn that it was his son driving, coming to meet him, and that his son now lay dying in the wreckage. He hurries to him.

Stricken, he looks down at his only son. "Son, you are dying," he chokes out.

"Yes... I know Father," the son manages to say.

"Son, I must know, before you pass. Why? WHY the pink golf balls? WHY THE GODDAMN PINK GOLF BALLS?"

And the son takes his last breath, says "uggh," and dies.