The Top 15 U.S. Excuses for Not Finding Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq

15> You misunderstood. What we said was, "We plan tons of mass construction."


14> We're pretty sure Saddam hid the WMDs inside millions of those fake Coca-Cola cans.


13> Let's just say that the informant's message, "Saddam is poised to release massive amounts of lethal chemical and biological agents," would have been better translated as "Never, ever pull Saddam's finger."


12> We dig and dig, but that damn sand keeps refilling our holes.


11> We think they're in some boxes we found marked "Do not open until Christmas."


10> Tommy Franks never said, "Simon says."


9> We need a few more weeks to finish checking out the interior of this air-conditioned palace.


8> Too busy combing through Dixie Chicks lyrics for incriminating evidence.


7> We *did* find weapons of mass destruction, we just can't show them to you because they're... um... they're invisible!


6> The dogs of war ate them.


5> All military resources are being used to protect the USA from Mothra.


4> Overlooked hundreds of sealed wooden crates marked: "Baby Milk for Hungry Iraqi Children -- Handle With Extreme Caution!"


3> Because, uh... hey, look -- tax cuts!!


2> All of our radar technology is focused on President Bush's efforts to locate Waldo.


1> They've probably been smuggled to an even more dangerous rogue state -- France!


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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]