The Top 14 Hidden Items in the New U.S. Budget

14. $12,500 for 535 subscriptions to "Cigar Aficionado"


13. $75,000 for "Environmental Cleanup" (Oval Office Scotchguard Applicator)


12. $1 million for research to determine how to pronounce "Slobodan Milosevic"


11. $18 to renew Jesse Helms's subscription to Spice Girls Magazine, buried in the Senate food budget under "Condiments"


10. $129,112 for maintenance and upkeep on Animatronic Al Gore


9. $150,000 Senate basement renovation, including tunnel to Hooters


8. $50 million for Independent Counsel to begin investigation of any Democrat who might ever consider running for president


7. $150,000 for formaldehyde IV for Strom Thurmond


6. $15 for Buddy's new leash, and $150 for Bubba's, under "Budgetary Restraints"


5. $18,500 for a new pick-up truck for Janet Reno


4. $10,000 for funding of the Annual Tip O'Neill Memorial CornDog-eating Contest on the Senate floor


3. $1.29 to get Arafat his *own* tin of Altoids


2. $2 billion offer for New Jersey to leave the United States -- no questions asked


1. $50,000 toilet seat? Check. $85,000 lug wrench? Check. $40 million porn novel? Check.


[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]


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