The Top 13 Things You Won't Hear At Daytona

13. "None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth."


12. "Tampax! Get your Tampax here!"


11. "Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race."


10. "Sex with your sister!? Man, that's sick."


9. "My GOD, this is a splendid Merlot!"


8. "Hey, you with the large breasts -- out of the way! We're trying to watch a race here!"


7. "Chesterton, be a good lad and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attach� case, then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone."


6. "What a coincidence, Hank -- all my friends are boycotting Hooters, too!"


5. "These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert!"


4. "Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor..."


3. "Whew! No more beer for me, fellas..."


2. "Filling in for Dale 'the intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley."


1. "...and now, singing our national anthem -- international recording artist Boy George!"


[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]


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