My wife is prego, but we like to get kinky anyway. One night things begin to get particularly saucy - I'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights. It's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period, I look up at her glassy, jarred facial expression. Worried, I rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital, she's still bleeding. By the time we get there she's not bleeding much more but all color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent, almost in a vegetative state. We storm into the emergency room and explain everything to the nearest doctor. The doctor replies, "Sorry, there is nothing we can do." "WHY THE FUCK NOT??" I exclaim. "We don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce."
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