Two long-time college buddies were catching up with each other at a reunion when one asks the other what he now does for a living.
"Well," he began. "I'm now a professional asshole stretcher."
"Really! What does that job entail?" asked the friend.
"It's almost exactly like how it sounds. First I put one finger in, then two. Eventually I can fit my whole fist, and then I keep working it until I end up with a six foot asshole."
"That's ridiculous!" the friend exclaimed. "What possible use is there for a six foot asshole?"
The stretcher replied, "Well usually I give them a radar gun and tell them to go sit at the end of the road."
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