(A colleague just told me this yesterday, and I remembered Christopher Hitchens telling his version on a CSPAN stand-up several years ago during an election so I searched and it's [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9ITT3NOLJk) if anyone is interested.)
A mother, father and daughter onion are out for a walk. They get to the streetlight at an intersection and as the walk sign lights up, they begin to cross but a careless driver catches the daughter onion and she rolls to the side of the road, horribly injured.
She is rushed to the hospital and after a few hours the doctor comes to the waiting room to speak to the parents. "Sir, ma'am, I have good news and bad news."
"Okay, give it to us Doc, we want to know how she's doing."
"Well," says the doctor, "the good news is your daughter is going to live." The parent onions feel a huge relief, then ask for the bad news. "The bad news is, she's going to be a vegetable for the rest of her life."
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