The Magic Lamp

A man whose wife had just divorced him was walking down along the beach trying to figure out what he was going to do next with his life. Suddenly his foot kicked something hard in the sand and he was immediately surrounded by smoke. A Booming voice said :

"I AM THE GENIE OF THE LAMP"

The man was dumbfounded.

**Man:** WHAT?! A Genie? Seriously? Like 3 wishes and everything?

**Genie :** Yeah, you get three wishes but there are a couple of things you should know that got left out of all of the stories.

**Man :** Like what?

**Genie :** Well, you have to make all of your wishes before sunset and if you don't then what ever you wished for before sunset will cease to be.

**Man:** That's it?

**Genie:** No.. the union made us add a new one once divorces started up. What ever you wish for, your ex-wife gets double.

**Man:** That's odd.

**Genie:** Yup, so Master.. what is your first wish? Wait, let me guess, money?

**Man:** Uhh.. Yeah.. Um how about like a billion dollars?

**Genie:** Ok but you understand that means that your ex-wife will get 2 billion dollars, right?

**Man:** That's fine, maybe she'll get audited or something. She left me and I don't care if she ends up with money.. I mean If I have a Billion dollars, what do I care what she has?

**(The genie blinks his eyes, nods his head and says "IT IS DONE")**

**Man:** It is done?! I don't feel any different? There isn't a pile of cash in front of me.. what do you mean IT IS DONE?

**Genie:** Master. The money is in your bank account.

**Man:** Yeah?

**Genie:** Do you have a smart phone?

**Man:** Yeah.

**Genie:** Then go ahead and check your bank balance.

**(The Man grabs his phone from his pocket and opens his banking app to check his balance)**

**Man:** HOLY SHIT!

**Genie:** Yup.

**Man:** I'm a billionaire!

**Genie:** I know.

**Man:** You made me a billionaire!

**Genie:** Nothing gets past you master.

**Man:** Ok.. Ok.. Ok.. So I need to do 2 more, right?

**Genie:** Yes master and you have less than an hour left.

**Man:** Ok.. Umm.. ok.. so I'm a billionaire and I have to make 2 more wishes in an hour or I'm not a billionaire anymore.. But I don't want to just waste them.. Ok.

**Genie:** Your wish?

**Man:** I want ... I wish for.. a woman.. but not just any woman. She has to love me unconditionally. She has to be gorgeous, and I mean like a solid 10. She has to be my soulmate.. I mean we have to be perfect together as a couple, and she'll never want to leave.. and never cheat on me.. and. be .. ya know.. adventurous.. in bed. Because I just got out of a marriage and there wasn't any...

**Genie:** I get it, you want the perfect woman for you.. in every way.

**Man:** Yeah.. and my same age.. and into the same things I'm in too..

**Genie:** I got it.. But you understand that your ex-wife will have 2 perfect men come into her life.

**Man:** I don't care, they can fight over her, I'm done with her. Hell she'll probably just keep them both and not tell them about each other while she goes out and finds a third.

**Genie:** Yes master. I am going to look into your soul and bring forth your perfect mate.

**(The genie grabs the mans head, looks deep into his eyes, there is a bright flash, and the genie says "IT IS DONE")**

**Man:** So, where is she?

**(The Genie steps to the side to reveal a woman standing behind him)**

**Woman:** Hey Babe!

**Man:** Hey!

**Woman:** I didn't know you were gonna be here. Listen I'm gonna go and wash the ocean off of me. I'll be by your house at 8, okay?

**Man:** Sounds Great!

**Woman:** Okay, love you!

**Man:** Love you too.

**(Woman walks off down the beach)**

**Man:** Genie..

**Genie:** Yes Master?

**Man:** You fucking rock!

**Genie:** I know.

**Man:** What's her name?

**Genie:** Her name is Sara. But Master you must make another wish and you have only 10 minutes left or you lose the billion dollars and Sara.

**Man:** What should I wish for?

**Genie:** That is up to you Master.

**Man:** What about like in Aladdin? Do you want me to wish you free?

**Genie:** NO! Being a Genie is awesome. I don't want it to end. Please do not wish for that.. 9 minutes Master.

**Man:** Ok.. so last wish.. don't want to waste it.. I'm a billionaire, I have the perfect woman who loves me, what else do I need?

**Genie:** Master this isn't about needs it is about wants. What do you want that you do not care if your wife gets double??

**Man:** I think I know..

**Genie:** 2 minutes Master

**(The Man closes his eyes)**

**Man:** GENIE! I WISH FOR YOU TO BEAT ME HALF TO DEATH