The last joke my grandma told me

Note: My grandmother used to call me up once a week and tell me the latest joke that she had picked up from who knows where. She passed away earlier this year and I cannot begin to say how much I miss her jokes. This one was the last one that she ever told me. It wasn't the funniest by itself but to hear a little old lady at the other end of the phone that had to start over two or three times because she laughed so hard at herself was enough to have me rolling on the floor almost wetting myself from laughing. I thought I would share:

A man, we will call him John, went to the doctor. John was a very proud and dignified man so to go to the doctor for a very bad case of constipation was terribly embarrassing for him. "The treatment is non-invasive," the doctor told him. "In a moment the nurse will be in and she will administer a warm water enema and followed by a mild laxative." "Non-invasive indeed" thought John, and he was beside himself with indignity of the whole affair. After receiving his treatment the nurse left John alone in the hospital room to wait for the effects to kick in. "Not so bad now," thought John, "At least there is a nice view." And it was a nice view because John's hospital room was high up in the tall hospital overlooking the city. About that time John began to feel a movement within him. "O dear," he shouted, but before he could begin to move to the restroom he relieved himself all over his fresh, white, hospital sheets. This was too much. After momentarily relishing in the intense feeling of relief, John snapped back into his overly dignified demeanor and was in a panic. "No one can see me like this," he shrieked. In a moment of desperation John grabbed up his soiled sheets and not knowing what else to do - threw them out of the hospital window. "That's that," he sighed with relief and the incredibly embarrassing moment had passed, at least for him. About that time Clarence, the town drunk, was ambling by the hospital trying to find a way to hold his head that didn't hurt because of his terrible hangover. *Sploosh* The hospital sheets fell onto Clarence's head and the fight was on. Never had you seen a man fight so viciously. Even if the shit filled hospital sheets hadn't been covering him from head to toe, Clarence wouldn't have been able to see who or what was attacking him because the god-awful smell was burning his eyes. He screamed and he kicked and punched and raised such a racket, a crowd started to gather around, but not too close, until finally a policeman blew his whistle and, knowing exactly who it was because he had just picked the drunk up the night before yelled, "CLARENCE! CLARENCE! JUST WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?" "Thank god you are here, officer," Clarence gasped, trying to pull what was left of the sheets off of his dirty head, "I'm not sure what the hell is going on myself...but I think I just beat the SHIT out of a GHOST!"