The first Wednesday of every month God and St. Peter meet to discuss the operations and logistics of Heaven...

...and, as usual, everything is great and fine; but they both notice that Heaven is starting to get a tad overcrowded. So, they both agree that from now on, not only do you have to be a good person when you die, you must also have had a bad day the day you died.

The next day, St. Peter takes his seat behind his desk amongst the clouds. He opens the Pearly Gates and sees the line waiting eagerly. First guy steps forward:

"Oh, how was your day today?"
"Terrible! For the longest time I've been suspecting that my wife has been cheating on me. So, on my lunch break, I drive home and take the elevator up to our condo on the 6th floor of our building. I put my keys in the doorknob, give it a little jiggle, and bust open the door ready to catch them in the act. I walk down the hallway and look into our room and there she is lying naked in bed! I know somethings up and I search around for the guy all the while my wife is hysterical I could accuse her of such a thing. Just as I'm about to concede, I see these two little hands hanging on the balcony floor... the nerve of that guy! So I go over and stomp on his hands, causing him to fall to the ground, but he hit a tree on the way down and he didn't die. I was in such a rage that I went into the kitchen, unplugged the fridge, and with all my hate, I pushed the fridge off of the balcony and it landed on the guy and killed him. My wife... in her hysteria and anger, took a knife and jabbed me in my side and here I am."

A stunned St. Peter looks at the guy and says, "yeah, you're in. Come on in." Next guy:

"So how was your day?"
"It was really weird. I was doing yoga on the balcony of my 7th floor condo when I must have lost balance or something and I accidentally fell over but thankfully I grabbed hold of the balcony right below me. Just as I'm about to pull myself to safety, some psycho yelling obscenities stomps on my hands and I feel down but I didn't die. I knew I had a broken leg, and as I'm trying to peel myself off the ground, I look up and see a fridge coming at me and here I am."

St. Peter chuckles to himself and replies, "You're in." Third guy:

"So how about you? How was your day today?"
"Okay... so I'm naked inside a refrigerator right..."

You might also enjoy

Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.