because the coach can’t get a decent quarterback. He’s tried drilling the team’s younger talent, trading players, and he still doesn’t get anywhere. Then one night on the news there’s a Taliban uprising. He sees one young Taliban dash into the square and throw a Molotov cocktail twenty-five yards into a little second story window and ignite a house. The same guy then pitches a grenade seventy-five yards and lands it into a narrow little chimney, blowing up the whole building.
"There’s my new quarterback!" exclaims the coach. "We’ve got to go find this kid."
So they send some people over to Afghanistan and they’re able to scare up the young Taliban recruit, working from a bit of news footage. They bring him over, teach him the game, fit him into his uniform, and their season really starts to turn around. In fact, they’re able to make it to the Super Bowl. And in the latter seconds, they win the game. So the quarterback calls up his mom.
"Mom, I can’t believe it, we won!"
"I have no son," she says back.
"But Mom, this is the biggest game in the world, and I just threw the winning touchdown."
"I have no son," his mother repeats.
"Come on Mom, I’ll get all kinds of endorsements, I’ll become famous . . ."
"Listen: your brother was shot leaving the house today, there are bombs going off all over the place, and your sister won’t go anywhere because she’s afraid of getting raped; I’ll never forgive you for bringing us to Detroit."
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