... and they had any attraction you could ever want. Animals, clowns, sword-swallowers, fire-breathers. But the main attraction was a wrestler named Ivan the Terrible. Ivan was a huge mountain of a man, bigger than a full-grown Grizzly, more irritable than a nest of hornets, and with the pain tolerance of a drunken Scotsman. Ivan was known for 2 holds, the Half-Pretzel, which would instantly break one's back, and the Full-Pretzel, which would kill instantly.
The pre-show was over, and it was time for the main attraction. Ivan the terrible stepped into the middle of the circus tent, and the ringleader came out and said "100 pounds to the man who can best Ivan the Terrible in the ring!" The crowd murmured, but none stepped forward. "200!" The crowd murmured some more, until, at last, one man stepped forward. "I'll do it!" said the burly old Scotsman. "Excellent!" cried the ringleader as the man stepped into the ring with Ivan the Terrible.
Within a second of the bell ringing, the two were on each other. The Scotsman was giving Ivan a good fight, but none could best him. In another couple of seconds, the Scotsman was in the infamous Half-Pretzel. The crowd gasped, as they expected the match to end there. One rarely gets up from a Half-Pretzel. But Ivan would not pin him, nor let him tap out. The battle raged on, the Scotsman miraculously continuing the fight, even with a broken back. But soon Ivan had him in the dreaded Full-Pretzel.
Then, at his darkest moment, the Scotsman shot up and pinned Ivan to the ground. The ringleader counted out "1, 2, 3" and that was it. The fight was over, Ivan was bested.
The ringleader ran over to the Scotsman and asked him, amazed, "How did you do that?" The Scotsman replied, "Well, we were fighting and fighting, and then he had me in the Half-Pretzel, and I thought I was done for! But he wouldn't let me lose just yet, he kept playing with me, and then he had me in the Full-Pretzel, and I made my peace with God. But, when I opened my eyes, I saw a gigantic pair of testicles hanging in my face. So I reach up and I sink my teeth into 'em! It's amazing the rush of strength you get by biting your own testicles!"
The man got his money.
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