Thank you for coming in, Mr. and Mrs. Clinton....

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Thank you for coming in, Mr. and Mrs. Clinton.


So you want to buy the old Rye Brook place, that's 2.2 million and with the
customary 20 % down that's $440,000 - leaving a mortgage of $1,760,000. Now
let's have a look at your financial statement. Let's see, Mr. Clinton you
are the President of the United States of course, and your salary is
$200,000 a year. We recommend buying a house that costs no more than two
and a half times your annual salary. That means you should be looking for
something around $500,000, perhaps a nice brick rancher. And I see here
that you'll be out of a job in 6 months or so. What will you do then? Open
a library? In Little Rock? Arkansas? Wow, I bet that will be some kind
of moneymaker.


Mrs. Clinton, you're running for the Senate, right? Senators are paid
$130,000 a year, assuming, of course, that you're elected- so even with
your pension you're still looking at a house in the $825,000 range. Maybe
a nice center hall colonial.


Mrs. Clinton, you haven't worked outside the house since 1991? But you did
some volunteer work I see. You tried to overhaul the entire national
health care system? I see. But no one was interested? But you have other
experience? Yes, I see you had several business ventures back in Arkansas.
How about this Whitewater Development Corp.? It went bankrupt. And Madison
Guaranty? Bankrupt. And Castle Grande? Bankrupt, too. You actually did go
to Yale, you claim? A little bad luck with the law, too, I see. Three of
your business partners went to jail.


This is embarrassing, I know, but we have to ask because it does after all,
affect your ability to pay: Any problems in your marriage? No, fine. Let's
look at your assets: you owe $4.5 million, Mr. Clinton? How do you expect
to pay that off? You're hoping people will donate to a special fund? So
basically, you're relying on the kindness of strangers.


You also have some serious expenses. A kid at Stanford has got to be
setting you back $30,000 to $35,000 a year, probably more with the
airfares. And she wants to go to medical school? Any legal problems? I
see a $90,000 fine for perjury. I guess that rules out putting your law
degree to work. Say, how do we know you're not lying on your loan
application? Of course it would look a lot better if you WERE lying.


Are there any other legal matters we should know about, Mrs. Clinton? You
don't think you're going to get hit with a perjury or obstruction of
justice rap? But we're not totally sure, right? That means there's a
remote possibility- note that I say "remote"-that you could be trying to
pay off a $1.76 million mortgage while making 12 cents an hour stitching
mailbags for the feds, while Mr. Clinton is trying to make a go of a
library in Little Rock.


Let's review the situation. One of you is now unemployed and the other one
soon will be. Your business partners are in jail. You have debts
equivalent to over 22 times your annual income that you're hoping someone
is going to come along and pay off for you. There's a criminal indictment
looming in your near future. Your tangible assets seem to consist of an
old Ford.


We'll give you a call.