Texas Heat

You know that you are in Texas when:


The best parking place is determined by shade instead of
distance.


Hot water now comes out of both taps.


You can make instant sun tea.


You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.


The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.


You discover that in July it takes only two fingers to drive
your car.


You discover that you can get sunburn through your car window.


You actually burn your hand opening the car door.


You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 am before
work.


No one would dream of not having air conditioning.


Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is: 'What if I get knocked out
and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?'


You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.


The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.


The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have
lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt, and pepper.


Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying hardboiled eggs.


Cows are giving evaporated milk.


The trees are whistlin' for the dogs.


A sad Texan prayed once: 'I wish it would rain - not so much for
me, cuz I've seen it, but for my 7-year-old.'