Surprised Valentine

At the office, where I worked, there was an angel there. Her hair was long and flowing, and her skin was soft and fair.I wanted so, to ask her out, but I was way too shy. I thought she was too beautiful, for me to even try.A few times I approached her, she just smiled and walked away. I could not get the courage up, and "Hi" was all I'd say.Then, I had an idea, I would get her home address, And send a valentine to her, and with it I'd express,The way I feel about her, and the way she makes me feel, And the feelings that I have, are very, very real.I'll tell her, that I dream of her, and how it all would be, If she would only take the time, to be alone with me.I poured my heart out in the card, and ask her to be mine, And then I dropped it in the mail, my special valentine.In just a few short days, I had a response in my mail, A card with her return address, I started feeling pale.I wondered what she said in it, and what she thinks of me, I guess the only way to know, is open it and see.With great anticipation, I removed the envelope, And closed my eyes a moment, as my heart filled up with hope.I opened up my eyes to see, a card shaped like a heart, And in the center, someone drew, a bloody piercing dart.I opened up the card to see, if writing was inside, And when I started reading it, I damn near almost died.I'd love to be your valentine, but I think I will pass, My husband says he'll be at work, to kick your stupid a**.I'm glad you like my body, and you think it's really fine, My husband says this card is going, where the sun don't shine.In your card, you said there's things to me you'd love to do, I think my husband's going to do, all of those things to you.So, have a Happy Valentines, I'll see you Monday morn, My husband says on Tuesday, you'll wish you were never born.