Stupid Tourists

Last Sunday's edition of the Union-Leader featured an article on the Presidential Range. A large portion of the article was made up of quotes heard by state park, Mt. Washington Auto Road, "stagecoach," and Cog Railway employees over the years.


Here are some choice excerpts.


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"Where are the presidents' faces carved into the mountain?"


"Are you a native Vermonter?"


"Is this the base?" [asked at summit]


"Do you work for the state of Connecticut?"


"Is there any danger of this mountain erupting while I'm on it?"


"Can you see New Hampshire from here?"


"Boy, the visibility must be 90 miles an hour!"


"How come I can still breathe this high up?"


"You say that's the ocean we're looking at out there? Which one?"


"Where's the view?"


"Who cut down all the trees up here?"


"How do they keep the Lakes of the Clouds filled?"


"Where's the summit?" [asked at the top]


"They told me I was going to get a historic view up here. Is this it?"


"When they built [the auto road], did they start at the top or the bottom?"


"Can I drive my car to Tuckerman's Ravine?"


"Is there a one-hour time difference between here and the bottom of the road?"


"Is that man-made?" [visitor pointing to Cog Railway]


"Do you have an elevator to the base?"


"Is walking down called hiking, too?"


"Are any of your trails paved?"


"Are any of the trails lit for night hiking?"


"What's the name of the trail I just came up? It's short and steep."


"Are the hiking trails man-made?"


"How high is the other side of the mountain?"


"What are the emergency shelters for?"


"Where are all the dead people?"


"Where's the sign that says how many people jumped from up here?"


"Are there boat races on the Lakes of the Clouds?"


"Are the brooks up here fresh or salt water?"


"What does 'no tenting' mean?"


"I didn't hike up. Am I still allowed to talk to you?"