Some Of My Favorite One-Liners

Never test the depth of water with both feet.

Don't take candy from strangers, unless they offer you a ride.

I'll start exercising as soon as i get into shape.

If you have something to say, raise your hand and put it over your mouth.

Maybe you should go to e-bay and buy a clue.

Earth is full. go home.

Gee, I'd like to care, but I wasn't given that gene.

Mirrors don't lie, and lucky for you, they can't laugh either. (i like this one)

If you can't laugh at yourself, at least let me do it.

I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Visa. (ok that was kind'a dumb)

I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away.

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