Some Insults From Winston Churchill

Winston Churchill (whose mother was American) was Prime Minister of Britain during World War II.
These are some insults he was involved in -

Lady Astor – "Winston, if you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchill – "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it!"

Bessie Braddock – "Winston, you're drunk!"
Winston – "Bessie, you are ugly, but tomorrow morning, I shall be sober!"

Bernard Shaw sent Churchill two tickets to a first night, with a note saying – "Bring a friend – if you have one."
Churchill replied, saying that he could not attend the first night as he was busy, and asked for tickets for the second night – "If you have one."