Secrets for Making a

My wife and I have all the secrets for making a marriage last:1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesday's, I go Fridays.2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in Cincinnati.3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.7. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now.8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"10. Remember... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.12. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.13. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" ... I said, 'Dust!"