Sarcasm for the workplace:

Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?


Do I look like a people person?


This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.


I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.


You! Off my planet!!


Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of
self-control.


I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.


Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?


And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?


How many times do I have to flush before you go away?


Aw, did I step on your poor itty bitty ego?


How do I set a laser printer to stun?


I'm not tense, just incredibly alert.


When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.


Earth is full. Go home.