Rodney Dangerfield Top One-Liners!


A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.


During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.


I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.


My father carries around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet.


I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.


Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "do you think we'll ever find them? He said, "I don't know kid, there are so many places they can hide.

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