Rejected Hallmark Cards

"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:...
-- What was I thinking?"


"Congratulations on your wedding day!...
-- Too bad no one likes your wife."


"How could two people as beautiful you....
-- have such an ugly baby?"


"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love...
-- After having met you, I've changed my mind."


"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...
-- I never believed in Hell until I met you."


"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
-- that you're not here to ruin it for me."


"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me...
-- Like the need for therapy."


"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!...
-- I never knew what evil was before this!"


"Before you go,...
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
-- You'll probably need it again."


"Someday I hope to get married...
-- but not to you."


"You look great for your age...
-- Almost Lifelike!"


"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me...
-- Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."


"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend...
-- So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."


"We have been friends for a very long time...
-- What do you say we call it quits?"


"I'm so miserable without you...
-- It's almost like you're here."


"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
-- Did you ever find out who the father was?"


"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
-- I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."