Practical Office Joke

My HR Director is one of the coolest guys I've ever met. He also happens to be a serious prankster. Today he got me pretty good, it was cold-blooded, but still good.

About a week ago, my coworkers and I had a company outing. A few of us stayed out pretty late and we ended up back at my place. Of course I had to bring the Mary J out. What better time than with coworkers, right? Everyone partook and all was well. Over the following weekend, the HR Director found out about the "activities" that night, from one of the guys that had joined us. We are all really good friends and everyone is cool with the topic of Mary J, but the HR Director still felt compelled to mess with me.

I'm sitting in a meeting when I get an email from the HR Director saying "Come see me when you can, no rush." Again, we are really good friends, so I didn't give it much thought. I walk in and he pauses momentarily, giving off the vibe that we needed to have a serious chat. "So one of our new clients, (*****), requires us to do some initial random drug tests. You know...because the information we deal with is very sensitive, they are asking us to do this upfront and it looks like you're my guy for this today. Go ahead and sign the form and we can take care of this over lunch." Let it be known that the HR Director's past job for about 10 years, was being a police officer. When the guy addresses you in a serious manner, you listen.

I immediately go white. All of the color drains out of me as if I had just seen a ghost. I start getting shaky as I lean over the drug screening release form to sign it. My HR Director looks me over and says "you're good to go right? You're my guy for this, right?" I have no clue what to say, except to not blatantly say "no". I begin to stall with "uhhh uhhhhhhh ummm". At this point I'm planning some sort of exit strategy. Should I fake sick and just leave for the day? Should I just run out whilst screaming "you'll never take me alive?!?!"

I'm standing there breathless and speechless, then I see him start to smile. He says "I'm jk man, there's no test hahaha." Then I had one of those moments where you want to smack the shit out of and kiss the other person all at the same time. I was relieved to know that it was all a hoax, but damn if it didn't shake me up for the next few hours. It was a pretty sobering experience, sort of like nearly missing a DUI arrest. For all of you HR Directors out there, keep this one in mind for April Fool's Day.