Doug was showering after a workout at the gym when he noticed that the guy next to him had an enormous penis. His own junk being somewhat on the small side, Doug asked him if his mammoth member was natural or if there was a trick to it.
"Oh, there's a trick. Every night before bed, rub some lard into it and it'll grow."
Doug excitedly stopped by the store on his way home and purchased a can of Crisco. After a few days of application, he noticed that his one-eyed bishop was actually getting smaller. Thinking this must be some sort of "darkest before the dawn" sort of thing, he continued the routine, but after a week, it was evident that the trick was having the opposite effect.
Back at the gym the following week, Doug approached the well-endowed fellow and said, "I did what you said, but it actually made it smaller!"
The well-hungarian asked, "What kind of lard did you use?"
Always-prepared Doug rummaged around in his backpack and pulled out the Crisco tin, to which the fellow replied, "That's *shortening*, you idiot."
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.