Paraprosdokians

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

* Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

* In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put'DOCTOR'.

* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

* You're never too old to learn something stupid.