One of my favorites from a New York cab driver...

A woman walks into an ice cream shop. The owner welcomes her and asks her what she'll have. The woman says, "Well, I know I shouldn't, but I think I'm going to have a scoop of chocolate!"

The owner looks pained and replies, "I'm really, really, really sorry ma'am, but we ran out of chocolate just a few minutes ago."

The lady smiles politely and says, "Oh that's fine, don't even worry about it. Well hmmm... in that case I guess I'll just have a scoop of chocolate."

The owner, assuming she misheard him, says "Oh, sorry ma'am, we just ran out. We have lots of other options though."

The lady chuckles and nods. "I see, I see. Well then I think I'm going to have a scoop of the chocolate ice cream, then."

The manager does a double-take, and tries to decide if the lady is pranking him. Her sweet smile reassures him, so he merely states "Sorry lady, all out of chocolate. Something else?"

Luckily, the lady seems to have finally understood, nodding along to what the owner had explained. However, the next thing she said was "I'd really enjoy a nice scoop of chocolate ice cream!"

The owner has understandably become a bit frustrated and is losing his patience. "Umm, lady, I've told you already, we're totally out of chocolate. You have to pick something else."

The lady chuckles and says, "Well then, I think I'll just have a scoop of choc-"

"LOOK LADY!" The owner interrupts. He pauses for a second and then barks out a command. "Spell "van", as in "vanilla"!"

The lady, taken aback by the change in the owner's attitude, does as she is told. "V...A....N... Just like vanilla."

"Good!" replies the manager. "Now spell "straw", as in "strawberry"..."

The lady seems to be catching on, and says "S...T...R...A...W... just like strawberry!"

"Great job!" Says the manager. "Now, please spell "fuck", as in "chocolate"."

The lady smiles and begins to spell it out. "F...U...C... Hey! Wait a second, there's no fuck in chocolate!"

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU LADY!"