One for the sailors.

Its the height of the cold war, and in the arctic sea a couple of nuclear submarines - one american and one russian - has burst through the ice a mere 50 meters apart.

After the initial surprise of meeting your enemy in this deserted wasteland, the two captains have agreed to have a little cold war summit of their own.
They start talking and after a couple of polite pleasantries, they start to brag about their subs and crew ending up with a right pissing contest.

U.S. Captain: Our submarine can stay under the surface for 4 months.
Russian Captain: Our submarine can stay under the surface for 6 months.
U.S. Captain: Oh yeah, well my crew can live on one slice of bread a day.
Russian Captain: This is nothing. My crew can live on half a slice of stale bread a day.

While they argue back and forth, they suddenly feel the ground shiver, and a crack appears in the ice right under their feet. They start to back away from the crack that is getting bigger and bigger with a loud noise of breaking ice.
Finally the ice gives way to what is breaking it apart from underneath, and they are amazed to see that it is another conning tower of a submarine.

U.S. Captain: I'll bet that this is an american sub, and that they will prove I'm right.
Russian Captain: Da, unless ofcourse it is a soviet one, in which case I am right.

They stand there waiting, eyes fixed on the hatch, and finally it starts to turn with a loud screeching noise of metal that hasn't been greased in a long time.
The hatch pops open and a gaunt looking man with a big beard crawls up and out of the tower and starts to look around, eyes squinting in the bright light of the white snowscape.
He sees the two men standing on the ice next to his boat, clears his throat and yells to them:

"Guten tag meine herren, haben sie brot und diesel?"