NEW YORK - During a staff meeting this week, NBC President of Entertainment Robert Greenblatt erupted into a profanity-laced tirade when he was informed that the network's new season of prime-time dramas and comedies failed to meet The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) requirement of “no less than ten” law enforcement themed programs.
"Are you all fucking illiterate?" Greenblatt reportedly shouted at the gathering of directors and producers while slamming the 900-page AMPTP standards manual repeatedly against the boardroom table. "These goddamn rules have been in place for two years now," he continued. "Ten police procedurals, five shows set in a hospital, and one with a bunch of fire fighters. How is that not fucking clear?"
In 2012, the AMPTP updated their regulations regarding genres, casting, and settings, among a host of other revisions.
"Where is our show with people sprouting wings or turning into demons or some shit?" Greenblatt asked the group. This was in reference to the AMPTP provision requiring one "fantasy/fairy tale program" per network.
"And where the hell is our dwarf?" Greenblatt reportedly shouted, before turning and apologizing to his vice president of public relations, Brian Steel. "I'm sorry, Brian. I meant 'little person'," Greenblatt said while holding up quote signs with his fingers. "And how many gays do we have this next season? More than one, but no more than three, right? And none of them in a leading role, you better fucking hope to God. Also, let's get a recount on our Blacks and Hispanics. I don't want one more than necessary!"
Greenblatt also expressed anger with his network’s inability to comply with the “50/25/25” rule, which requires “half of all programming to be set in or around New York City, a quarter of the programming set in Los Angeles or similar environs,” and the remaining quarter up to the discretion of the network, but “preferably somewhere with either a lot of trees or white beaches.”
The penalty for failing to meet AMPTP standards are unclear, but sources say they might include having to finance a Two Broke Girls spin-off and airing the Tony Awards.
(This is my very first reddit post. Not sure this is the right subreddit. Just hoping for a laugh and looking for feedback on my Onion-style, fake news writing. Sorry if it sucks.)
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