My technique with women is, I sneak up behind them and scream obscenities in their ear — when they turn round I’m wearing a nice sweater and holding a kitten.

What's the worst...

You have to stand in the back of the oven

Shotgun

yo mom is like a shotgun, one cock and shes ready to blow

You might be a...

4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.

What's green and...

Grass. I was kidding about the wheels.

Dude, the water...

I would tap that.

A farmer named...

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's...

What Kind of Doctor?

After making love, the woman said the man, "So, you're a doctor?" "That's...

They said "orange...

...but I didn't realise they meant Trump would replace Obama.

Anyone Dislike...

I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning us...

Are You Dead

An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awaken from...