...and it became clear that they were going to have a significant difference in their heights, Lloyd asked Chris if he was doing anything special to become so tall.
Chris leaned in close and quietly said, "It sounds silly, but every night before I go to bed, I sneak into the pantry, take a handful of lard, and rub it all over my body. Ever since I started doing this, I've grown an inch every month."
So that night, Lloyd snuck into the pantry after Chris had gone to bed, scooped out a handful for himself, rubbed all over his body, and went to bed. He patiently repeated this for three months, then eagerly measured himself. To his shock, he found he had actually shrunk three inches!
He found Chris and said, "I did just what you said, and it had the opposite effect. I'm shorter now than I was three months ago!"
Chris couldn't quite believe it. He asked Lloyd to show him exactly what he was doing, so they went to the pantry together and Lloyd demonstrated his technique. Chris then grabbed the container Lloyd had been using, swatted him upside the head, and said, "You idiot, I said to use lard. This is shortening!"
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