My go-to joke, thought I'd share.

A man and his friend are sitting at a bar, talking about embarrassing moments. The man says to his friend:

"Man, I messed up the other week. I was at the train station, trying to buy a ticket, and the ticket booth operator was this gorgeous woman, I'm talking 10/10 here. So I go up to her, and instead of saying 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh, with the change in nickels and dimes.' I said 'I'd like two pickets to TITSBURG, with the change in NIPPLES and dimes.'"

His friend replies:

"I had the same thing happen to me the other morning. I was eating breakfast with my wife, and what I meant to say was 'Honey, can you please pass the toast and jam?' but what I actually said was 'You fucking bitch, you ruined my life!'"

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