My 98 year old grandpa is reading the newspaper and talking loudly to himself or whomever listens:

Grandpa: I beat you, you, you and you!
Me: Have you been taking up sports lately?
Grandpa: No, I am reading the death announcements.

You might also enjoy

Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.