* If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4 and 5.
* If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
* If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
* If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a voice will tell you which number to press.
* If you are bi-polar, leave a message after the beep, or before the beep or after the beep. Wait for the beep.
* If you are dyslexic, press 696969696969696969.
* If you have short-term memory loss, press 8. If you have short-term memory loss, press 8. If you have short-term memory loss, press 8.If you have short-term memory loss, press 8.
* If you suffer from low-self esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to help somebody like you.
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