Instrument Jokes

This is an addition to one of my previous jokes, "Viola Jokes" http://wocka.com/17112.html. Now, instead of just viola jokes, here are several different instrument jokes.

PIANO JOKES
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor.

Q: What do you get when you drop a piano onto an army base?
A: A flat major.

Q: Why is an 11-foot concert grand piano better than a studio upright piano?
A: Because it makes a much bigger "kaboom" when dropped off a cliff.

FLUTE/PICCOLO JOKES
Q: How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune?
A: Shoot one.

Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."

CLARINET JOKES
Q: How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he'll have to go through a whole box of them before he finds the right one.

Q: What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

SAXOPHONE JOKES
Q: What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower?
A: (1) Lawn mowers sound better in small ensembles, and (2) neighbors get upset when you borrow their lawn mower and don't return it.

TRUMPET JOKES
Q: How do trumpetists traditionally greet each other?
A: "Nice to make your acquaintance. But I'm still better than you."

FRENCH HORN JOKES
Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like your horn section?
A: Have them miss every other note.

A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"
"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."
The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"
The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"