Instructions and Signs

1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove
all your clothes when the light goes out.


2. IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs


3. IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder
yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.


4. IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty
the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.


5. ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by
this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft.
Please use side entrance)


6. OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles,
washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a
wonderful bargain.


7. QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point
will be drowned. By order of the District Council.


8. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their
garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.


9. IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.


10. SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car


11. SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and
doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.


12. NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the
field for free, but the bull charges.


13. MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will
tell you how to get lessons.


14. ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock
hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)


15. SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of
order. Please use floor below.