I am a chemist and I

THE CHEMIST'S SONGSung to the tune of Monty Python's "I'm a Lumberjack and I'm Okay." CHEMIST CHORUSI'm in chemistry and I'm okay, He's in chemistry and he's okay, I sleep al night and I work all day. He sleeps all night and he works all day. I clean my flasks, I read my JACS, He cleans his flasks, he reads his JACS, I do reactions well. He does reactions well. Someday I'll be unlucky Some day we'll all be lucky And blow my self to Hell. And watch him blown to Hell.I'm in chemistry and I'm okay, He's in chemistry and he's okay, I prowl the library all day. He prowls the library all day. The articles that I could use The articles that he could use Are gone when they're in need. Are gone when they're in need. If I were a bookbinder, If he were a bookbinder, I'd have them all to read! He'd have to learn to read.I'm in chemistry and I'm okay, He's in chemistry and he's okay, I sleep all night and I sleep all day. He sleeps all night and he sleeps all day. I like my work, I like my profs, He hates his work, he hates his profs, I go to seminars. He sleeps through seminars. When I do any research The Boss can take his research I just wind up with tars. And shove it up his arse.I'm in chemistry and I'm okay, He's in chemistry and he's okay, I work all night and I work all day. He works all night and he works all day. I rotovap, distill it off, He rotovaps, distills it off, Do chromatography. Does chromatography. I think that by tomorrow We think that by tomorrow I'll have some THC. He'll have some LSD.I'm in chemistry and I'm okay, He's in chemistry and he's okay, I work all night and I sleep all day. He works all night and he sleeps all day. I do my work, I teach a class, He does his work, he teaches class, I earn another buck. He earns another buck. There's one girl in my section There's one girl in his section I'd surely like to fail. He's never gonna fail.I'm in chemistry and I'm okay, He's in chemistry and he's okay, I sleep all night and I work all day. He sleeps all night and he works all day. I used up all the ethanol, He used up all the ethanol, I don't know where it went. He don't know where it went. Now I can't work for six weeks, Now he can't work for six weeks, The stockroom's closed for Lent. He's drying out in Trent.I'm in chemistry and I'm okay, He's in chemistry and he's okay, I work all night and I sleep all day. He works all night and he sleeps all day. I make bad smells, I produce tar, He makes bad smells, produces tar, I spend the bosses grant. And spends the boss's grant. I tell him I'll make progress He tells him he'll make progress And work so hard I'll pant. Although he really can't.I'm in chemistry and I'm okay, He's in chemistry and he's okay, I sleep all night and I sleep all day. He sleeps all night and he sleeps al day. I work with nasty chemicals, He works with nasty chemicals They really make a stink. That really make a stink. I use the waste containers To clear a room is easy, And never use the sink. He pours them down a sink.I'm in chemistry and I'm okay, He's in chemistry and he's okay, I phone all night and I phone all day. He phones all night and he phones all day. I buy up stocks, invest in bonds, He buys up stocks, invests in bonds, And sell commodities. And sells commodities. And when the Market's slumping, And when the Market's slumping, I live in poverty! He does his chemistry!