How to Please Your Secretary

1. Send us out to cash your checks and buy stamps in all weathers. Walking is exhilarating and as we sit down all day, the exercise does us good.

2. Do walk out of the office without telling us where you are going or how long you might be. We enjoy telling people who wish to contact you urgently that we have no idea where you are or when you will return.

3. When dictating, please parade up and down the room and practice your golf strokes, or better still, walk out of the room. We can understand what is said more distinctly.

4. Please lower your voice to a whisper when dictating names of people and places. Under no circumstances spell them to us. We are sure to hit the right way sooner or later.

5. Please dictate a paragraph and change your mind, with the corrected version following, particularly when using dictating equipment. It adds variety to our typing.

6. Should you wish to write out a letter or report, please write with a blunt pencil using the left hand, and use plenty of arrows, balloons and other diagrams.

7. If possible, always pick up your calls on your secretary's phone. This ensures that we cannot pick up calls for any other people on our own phones. It also helps keep us company. We miss you during the day.

8. If you are being paged, please ignore it. We usually have no particular reason for wanting to locate you and enjoy hunting you down or taking messages.

9. Please do interrupt us while we are speaking on the telephone. We have two ears, so we might as well use both of them at the same time.