How to live Happily Ever After

For all you aspiring knights in shining armor and beautiful
damsel wannabees, if you would like to achive the fabled Happily
Ever After in your life, just follow these simple instructions.


~For guys looking for a girl~
1) Buy the fanciest, shiniest armor money can buy. If it's not
white, spray-paint it. Ditto for a valiant steed.


2) Look for the ugliest fortuneteller on the block, and ask
where the nearest maiden is.


3) Snore through her 15 minute fairytale, and head off in any
direction.


4) Look for any lone tower that was built in the middle of
nowhere for no known purpose whatsoever.


5) Rescue the maiden by paying off the resident dragon to fake
his death.


6) Seek out some contraceptives after you bring her home.


~For girls looking for a guy~
1) Buy the fanciest, softest dress money can buy. If it's not
white, dye it.


2) Go to the ugliest fortuneteller on the block and ask for
beauty tips. Do the opposite of what she instructs.


3) Have a single tower get built in the middle of nowhere.


4) Make yourself appear to be in distress by paying off the
resident dragon to guard you while you practice sleeping so
you appear to be under a spell.


5) Do not, and I repeat do not, make any sudden moves until
AFTER your valiant knight kisses you.


6) After he takes you to his home, threaten him that if he
would like you to remain a beautiful maiden, that he ought to
search for some contraceptives.


If you follow these quick and easy steps, you will be well
on your way to living Happily Ever After.


Sincerely,
The resident dragon.