Bob, Tom, and Jim are traveling down a mountain road.
Their vehicle careens off a cliff on an icy corner and plumets. Tom and Jim are killed in the crash, though Bob miraculously is thrown from the vehicle and survives.
As St. Peter is showing Tom and Jim around Heaven they come across a seemingly infinite wall of clocks.
'Whoa! Why all the clocks?' Jim asks.
'They show how much time one has left on earth, every living thing has one.' St. Peter replies.
They continue walking in awe, when suddenly Tom notices something, 'Hey, why are some of these jumping forward?' He asks.
'Whenever you masturbate, you lose five minutes.' St. Peter explains.
A few more minutes go by and Tom then asks, 'So our friend Bob survived the crash we died in, can you help me find his clock?'
St. Peter chuckles, 'Sure, we keep it in the kitchen.'
'The kitchen?' Jim chimes in.
'We needed a fan.' St. Peter says with a smirk.
*Replace Bob, Jim, and Tom with names of your friends (including yourself as one who dies). Tell the joke from first person perspective.*
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.