M.I.T.: "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend.""Have some fries."Caltech: "I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend.""Have some fries."Yale: "I got mugged on the way to class today.""Have some fries."Brown: "I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith.""Cool! Me too! Have some fries."Swarthmore: "I got a B.""Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."Princeton: "My father took away my Porsche this weekend.""Poor dear. Have some Escargot."Harvard: "Did you do anything this weekend?""Nope. Have some fries."Williams: "Don't I know you?""Of course you do, silly. Have some fries."Cornell: "I killed my lab partner this weekend.""Bummer. Have some fries."Columbia: "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school.""Me too. Let's go get shot."Penn: "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school.""Me too. Let's transfer to Columbia."Stanford: "Dude, I have so much work this weekend.""Like, chill out, dude. Have some, like, fries."Dartmouth: "Oh man, I got so trashed this weekend.""Have some beer."Tufts: "I wish I were Ivy League.""Here, drink the fry grease."
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