At the Art Store

If I remember correctly, Jackie Gleason told this one on his weekly variety show in the 1960s.

A man wants to buy a painting as a present for his wife. He walks by an art store and sees a sign in the window, "Original Paintings Made to Order". He goes in and looks around; there are a lot of nice landscapes, some still lifes, a few portraits. The proprietor comes in and says, "Can I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like a nice landscape for my living room, but I don't see one here that's quite what I want."

"Well, as the sign says, our staff artists can create anything you want. Just describe it."

"OK, I want a pastoral scene with rolling meadows and woods in the background, and pretty clouds . . . Well, I can't think what else."

The proprietor says, "Let me help you. How about a winding stream through the meadow, and a country road crossing the stream on a stone bridge?"

"Good, good! What else?"

"There should be a big oak tree in the meadow on the left, for variety, and ducks and swans in the stream . . ."

"Yes, perfect! You seem to see just what I want. Anything else?

"How about a canoe coming down the stream with a couple of lovers in it?"

"No, that's a little corny, but everything else is just what I want."

"Very good,' says the proprietor, "Our landscape artist will create your vision for you. Come back in two weeks."

The customer pays a deposit and goes out happy. The proprietor strolls over to the open door to the back room and calls out,

"One landscape, hold the canoe!"