A romantic dinner.

Simon and his wife Mary had been going through a rough patch in their relationship. Their anniversary was approaching and Simon decided he would be romantic and make a home cooked meal complete with wine and candles.

The day of their anniversary Mary is in work and Simon decides its time to go to the supermarket to get some food to cook. When he arrives at the meat counter the butcher suggests he get some snails to impress his wife. After buying the snails Simon is on his way home when his friend Bill sticks his head out the door of their local bar. "Hey Simon, come in for a beer," "I can't I'm in hot water as it is, need to cook a dinner for my wife." Bill won't take no for an answer and drags Simon into the pub.

12 beers later Simon looks at his watch with one eye, "Oh fuck, I'm late." He picks up his brown paper bag full of snails and stumbles all the way home. He's approaching the door, climbs up the three steps and rigs the door bell. The second he rings the bell the bag bursts, *sploosh,* and there's fifty snails slithering around on the door step. His wife, fuming, opens the door and screams "where the fuck were you? it's half past one in the morning!" "I wanted to be romantic so I went and got snails for dinner. Come on lads we're nearly there, there's only one more step to go!!"