A man had a really terrible snoring problem...

His wife hadn't slept properly in months, any night that he drank, the whole room rattled when he snored.

One day, her friend came round to see her, and was shocked by how exhausted she looked, and asked what was wrong. "Oh, it's Robert. He always has a couple of drinks before bed, and it makes him snore like a drill, I can't stand it another night."
"Well" her friend said, "when my Michael snored, I got some advice from my mother. When he snores, get a big of string. Tie a loop in it, and at the peak of a snore, tighten it around his penis."
She told her friend that it was ridiculous, and refused to try it, but much later that night, her husband collapsed into bed after hours in the pub, and began his thunderous snores.

The wife, groaning, crawled out of bed and went downstairs, and remembering the advice, went looking for string. She remembered getting a box of chocolates for her birthday, which had a big blue ribbon around it. She found it, and went back upstairs.
Pulling the blanket off, she made a loop, and waited while her husband snored.

Zzzz....zzzzzzzzz....ZZZZZZZZZZZZ- She pulled the loop in the ribbon tight around his penis, instantly stopping the snoring. Relieved, she finally got a good night's sleep.

The next morning, she was standing in the kitchen making coffee when her husband, hungover, staggered into the room. She turned to him and began asking about his night.

"You burst through the front door at 2am, knocked my bloody case over, made a load of noise getting upstairs, and then kept waking me up. Where the hell were you?"

"I don't know" said the husband, opening his robe "but I won first prize!"