...and finds himself in a short line of men waiting to speak with St. Peter before entering the magnificent gilded gates of heaven. St. Peter addresses them:
"Welcome to Heaven! You were all good people, that is why you are here. But no one is all good, or all bad, and some of our policies reflect this and try to strike a balance. Before you enter heaven, I will be assigning each of you a vehicle based upon your fidelity in your relationship with your wife. We will start with you, sir." He indicates the first man in line, who steps forward and speaks.
"I never so much as glanced at another woman. My wife was my whole life, when I wasn't working."
St Peter replies, "I can see you speak the truth, your devotion is truly rare. Here is a brand new rolls Royce for you to own and use in heaven forever more." Thanking Peter, the man gets in the beautiful car and drives into heaven. "Next!" Peter declares, and the next man steps forward and speaks.
"Well, to be honest I did fool around for a while. We were having rough times, and I had a drinking problem. But I came clean, we stayed together, and I loved my wife truly for the rest of my life!"
Peter replies, "You spoke honestly, and I see you did love your wife. Take this lightly used Toyota, it will serve you reliably." Happy enough, the man drives his vehicle through the gates of heaven. Finally, the man who had died most recently steps forward and speaks.
"To be quite honest, I hated that bitch. I cheated every chance I got, which was a LOT. I reckon she did the same. I used to go in back alleys and-"
"THAT uh...that will do." Peter replies. "Well...despite being a very colorful individual, you had a good heart and lived selflessly, so...ah, here's a nice bicycle we had in the back. May it serve you well."
Happy to have anything at all, the man hops on his bike and enters heaven...and it is beyond anything he has ever known. Beautiful spiraling magnificence, and...before he can take it all in, he notices the Rolls Royce from earlier pulled over to the side of the road, and the man bawling his eyes out. On approaching, he inquires, "Hey, what's the matter man? You got everything you could possibly want! This place is amazing, you have a splendid car, what could possibly get you down?"
The man responds, "Yeah, but I just drove past my wife on roller skates!"
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