A limey vacationing in a colony is hauled in front of the local magistrate. “The bobbies claim that you were seen swimming at the beach when suddenly you started pleasuring yourself, and then just as suddenly you stopped. How do you plead?”
The limey’s head is hanging in shame. “Guilty madam. I have no excuse. I am deeply embarrassed, but I would like to explain myself.”
“Go on,” says the magistrate.
“Well madam. It’s just that in the UK the water isn’t as clear, and the sand is not as nearly as nice.”
“What do you mean? Is this some weird 21st century naturalist-hipster thing?”
“No, far from it. I’m a true Oxbridge Royalist with a strong belief in constitutional monarchy,” says the limey.
“And?”
“And I’ve just never had such a nice feel or clear view of the soft, smooth and unspoilt Queen’s Bottom.”
Bewildered, the magistrate asks, “then why did you stop? Just a few seconds seems, um, mighty quick”
The limey looks up. “Well madam, I wasn’t planning on it. I was truly enjoying myself, but when I looked to the left all I could see was a large number of big red crabs coming right at me.”
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