There's this couple, they've been married many years, but their sex life has lost all its oomph. The wife is reading Cosmo and gets an idea, so she suggests to her husband, "Why don't you try shitting on me?" The husband says, "Ok." (By the way, this is based on a true story.)
That night, they're in bed. The husband cops a squat over his wife, takes a shit, then they start having sex. And it's amazing! For some reason, it's the best sex they've ever had.
The next day the husband eats a large breakfast, large lunch, and large dinner, because he wants something extra special for his wife. That night in bed, he takes an even larger shit on her, and the sex is even greater than before.
The next day, the husband is eating up a storm. He has the Denny's Grand Slam Breakfast in the morning, hits Fazoli's for lunch (all you can eat bread sticks), and that night for dinner brings home four sacks of Taco Bell. Later on, him and his wife are in bed, he cops a squat, and nothing. He grunts, he strains, he nearly bursts a blood vessel, but nothing comes out.
Finally, he gives up. He says, "Sorry, honey, I just can't shit on you."
She starts crying and shouts, "You don't love me anymore!"
___________
First heard this joke from Gilbert Gottfried. This joke is best if your friends are really drunk, and you act it all out, especially the final shit (really get into it).
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.